Monday, August 31, 2009
sorry peeps
so yea it's been a while huh? lol wellz i actually moved back to NY since i couldn't get a job in OK anymore so that's why i haven't been on MSN or posting cuz i sold everything but my car my dvd's and my clothes to get the money to drive here so yea. So i prolly won't be posting all that much since i', using my mom's pc to do so and i'd rather not have her see my blog lol but yea aside from that i'm working two jobs now so busy busy busy but i have to say it does feel good to be home :p talks to allz ya lataz
Sunday, August 16, 2009
ok so this is what i need from all of you
on my old blog i had links on the side bar to a lot of your blogs... i'd like to do it again... so wat i need is a no-nude pic a caption and a title oh and yes i need the addy as well if you all could e-mail this to me then i would be happy to put u up n my wall of ..... well my sidebar lol tried to get creative but holy crap was that a fail :p
100 question quiz
What is your full name?: Wyatt :p
Your birth date:: september 7
What color is your hair? Is it short, medium or long?: brown, medium i guess
What color are your eyes?: brown
How tall are you?: 5'6"
Single or Taken?: not sure
Do you have pets? If so, how many and what kind?: i had a cat and a dog in NY but none here now
Who do you live with?: no1
What do you do for school and work?: i'm not sure what i want to do anymore but i'm looking
Any kids? If not, do you want any?: none yet but i want like 6 :p
What music do you listen to the most?: hmmm nightwish
Do you like to read? If so...favorite book(s)?: it depends
Virgin or not?: yes
Name your 3 closest friends.: Brittani, joe and Jack
Which one is your very best friend?: over all Joe but right now brittani
Your skin...is it fair, medium or dark?: medium :p i gots that nice olive Puerto Rican tone
How often do you really "go out"?: never lol
Have you ever lost anyone you loved?: yup
Ever been in love?: nope
On a scale of 1-5 how organized are you?: normally 4 but right now 2
Do you excercise regularly? If so, how often?: i try
Zodiac sign?: Virgo
Have any nick names? If so, what?: can't tell yah it gives away my real name
Name a couple of T.V. shows you watch a lot.: 24, Law&Order SVU, In Plain Sight,
Movie(s) you can watch over and over:: Black Hawk Down, 300, We Were Soldiers, The Departed, Iron Man
Do you have tattoos? If yes, how many and where are they?: no but i want
Any piercings? If yes, how many and where are they?: yup just my left ear
Wear glasses?: not all the time but yes
Have braces?: nope
Do you have siblings? If so, how many?: yup 3
Are your parents still together?: nope
What is/was your worst subject in school?: hmmm was good at it all
Your best subject?: Social Studies
Do you currently play any sports? If so, what?: i wish i still did
Do you like to dance?: yup
Sing?: yea but i dont think its any good
Favorite color?: hmmm depends on my mood
Favorite Holiday?: Christmas
Where, outside of the U.S. would you like to visit?: Australia, Canada, Italy, Japan, Spain, Paris, London, Greece
Do people tell you that you act older, younger, or your age?: younger outside of work but older when at work
Ever have an imaginary friend as a child?: i dont remember
Ever been skinny dipping?: no but i've thought about it
Did/Do you enjoy highschool for the most part?: yea
Do any drugs? If yes, what?: nope
Drink? If yes, how often?: for occassion only
Smoke?: no
Ever been in a physical fight? If yes how many and who were they with?: no
Have you ever cheated in a relationship?: no
What's your definition of cheating?: kissing or more with another person
Do you wear pajamas to places other than at your house?: i only wear them outside the house
Have you ever stolen anything from a store or from someone?: yes
Ever cheated on a test?: yes
Ever been in any legal trouble?: in it now
Do you regret anything?: yes
Name 5 of the most important things in your life.: don't have 5 to list
How many languages can you speak and what are they?: 3 english-fluent, Italian-not fluent, spanish-not fluent
Are you a touchy feely person?: for the most part no
Do you take showers in the morning or at night more?: both
Do you trust easily?: no
Any phobias?: don't know yet
Are you a heavy or light sleeper?: both?
When did you make your myspace profile?: 6 years ago
Any disorders you've actually been diagnosed with (O.C.D., A.D.D...)?: not yet but i had ADHD as a kid
Are you a morning person?: depends
Sunrise or sunset?: sunset
Ever had surgery?: no
Ever come close to death?: 8 times so far
Ever broken any bones?: nope
When you die, would you rather be burried or cremated?: i don't care i'm dead
Play any instruments? If so, what?: Trumpet and Piano
Have you been told you can sing well more than once?: no, lol no1s ever heard me sing lol
3 physical features you get complimented on a lot:: hair, ass, shoulders
Your least favorite feature:: stomach :/
Clothing store you shop at the most:: was Old Navy
What is/are your heritage(s)?: Puerto Rican, German and Irish
What is your religion or do you not really have one?: don't really have 1
Ever been cheated on?: no
Ever had a one night stand? If so, how many and do you regret any of them?: no
Current friend that you have known the longest:: Joe
Name someone you can tell just about anything to.: brittani
Sweet or Sour?: sweet
Where were you born?: Cheasapeake, Virginia
Do any of your close friends have children?: no
Are any of them married?: no
Have you ever taken any antidepresants or anxiety medication?: no
Ever seen a therapist?: yes
Did/do you transfer schools a lot?: yes moved a lot
Favorite animal to have as a pet:: dogs
How many floors does your home have? How many bedrooms and bathrooms?: 2 i'm on the second floor
Do you live in a neighborhood or in the middle of nowhere?: nieghborhood
Favorite food:: hmmmm varies
Do you like to shop?: ya i guess
How often do you go online?: everyday
How sexual are you on a scale of 1-10?: 5
Something or someone you miss the most from childhood:: not having to worry about anything
Have you ever slept with somone 10 years or more older than you?: no
Over 10 years younger?: no
Are you usually late, early or right on time?: early usually like 15 minutes
Are you happy with your life for the most part right now?: not really
Your birth date:: september 7
What color is your hair? Is it short, medium or long?: brown, medium i guess
What color are your eyes?: brown
How tall are you?: 5'6"
Single or Taken?: not sure
Do you have pets? If so, how many and what kind?: i had a cat and a dog in NY but none here now
Who do you live with?: no1
What do you do for school and work?: i'm not sure what i want to do anymore but i'm looking
Any kids? If not, do you want any?: none yet but i want like 6 :p
What music do you listen to the most?: hmmm nightwish
Do you like to read? If so...favorite book(s)?: it depends
Virgin or not?: yes
Name your 3 closest friends.: Brittani, joe and Jack
Which one is your very best friend?: over all Joe but right now brittani
Your skin...is it fair, medium or dark?: medium :p i gots that nice olive Puerto Rican tone
How often do you really "go out"?: never lol
Have you ever lost anyone you loved?: yup
Ever been in love?: nope
On a scale of 1-5 how organized are you?: normally 4 but right now 2
Do you excercise regularly? If so, how often?: i try
Zodiac sign?: Virgo
Have any nick names? If so, what?: can't tell yah it gives away my real name
Name a couple of T.V. shows you watch a lot.: 24, Law&Order SVU, In Plain Sight,
Movie(s) you can watch over and over:: Black Hawk Down, 300, We Were Soldiers, The Departed, Iron Man
Do you have tattoos? If yes, how many and where are they?: no but i want
Any piercings? If yes, how many and where are they?: yup just my left ear
Wear glasses?: not all the time but yes
Have braces?: nope
Do you have siblings? If so, how many?: yup 3
Are your parents still together?: nope
What is/was your worst subject in school?: hmmm was good at it all
Your best subject?: Social Studies
Do you currently play any sports? If so, what?: i wish i still did
Do you like to dance?: yup
Sing?: yea but i dont think its any good
Favorite color?: hmmm depends on my mood
Favorite Holiday?: Christmas
Where, outside of the U.S. would you like to visit?: Australia, Canada, Italy, Japan, Spain, Paris, London, Greece
Do people tell you that you act older, younger, or your age?: younger outside of work but older when at work
Ever have an imaginary friend as a child?: i dont remember
Ever been skinny dipping?: no but i've thought about it
Did/Do you enjoy highschool for the most part?: yea
Do any drugs? If yes, what?: nope
Drink? If yes, how often?: for occassion only
Smoke?: no
Ever been in a physical fight? If yes how many and who were they with?: no
Have you ever cheated in a relationship?: no
What's your definition of cheating?: kissing or more with another person
Do you wear pajamas to places other than at your house?: i only wear them outside the house
Have you ever stolen anything from a store or from someone?: yes
Ever cheated on a test?: yes
Ever been in any legal trouble?: in it now
Do you regret anything?: yes
Name 5 of the most important things in your life.: don't have 5 to list
How many languages can you speak and what are they?: 3 english-fluent, Italian-not fluent, spanish-not fluent
Are you a touchy feely person?: for the most part no
Do you take showers in the morning or at night more?: both
Do you trust easily?: no
Any phobias?: don't know yet
Are you a heavy or light sleeper?: both?
When did you make your myspace profile?: 6 years ago
Any disorders you've actually been diagnosed with (O.C.D., A.D.D...)?: not yet but i had ADHD as a kid
Are you a morning person?: depends
Sunrise or sunset?: sunset
Ever had surgery?: no
Ever come close to death?: 8 times so far
Ever broken any bones?: nope
When you die, would you rather be burried or cremated?: i don't care i'm dead
Play any instruments? If so, what?: Trumpet and Piano
Have you been told you can sing well more than once?: no, lol no1s ever heard me sing lol
3 physical features you get complimented on a lot:: hair, ass, shoulders
Your least favorite feature:: stomach :/
Clothing store you shop at the most:: was Old Navy
What is/are your heritage(s)?: Puerto Rican, German and Irish
What is your religion or do you not really have one?: don't really have 1
Ever been cheated on?: no
Ever had a one night stand? If so, how many and do you regret any of them?: no
Current friend that you have known the longest:: Joe
Name someone you can tell just about anything to.: brittani
Sweet or Sour?: sweet
Where were you born?: Cheasapeake, Virginia
Do any of your close friends have children?: no
Are any of them married?: no
Have you ever taken any antidepresants or anxiety medication?: no
Ever seen a therapist?: yes
Did/do you transfer schools a lot?: yes moved a lot
Favorite animal to have as a pet:: dogs
How many floors does your home have? How many bedrooms and bathrooms?: 2 i'm on the second floor
Do you live in a neighborhood or in the middle of nowhere?: nieghborhood
Favorite food:: hmmmm varies
Do you like to shop?: ya i guess
How often do you go online?: everyday
How sexual are you on a scale of 1-10?: 5
Something or someone you miss the most from childhood:: not having to worry about anything
Have you ever slept with somone 10 years or more older than you?: no
Over 10 years younger?: no
Are you usually late, early or right on time?: early usually like 15 minutes
Are you happy with your life for the most part right now?: not really
Random Sex Facts :p
Men:
1) 94% of men lie about their penis size.
According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of
men use extra large condoms.
2) The average man is 5 inches long when erect
(no matter what you have heard ladies, that’s the
truth).
3) 80% of American men are circumsized. Even
though Pediatrics say it is not necessary.
4) No matter what all the ads say, nothing can
make your penis grow but time (most men reach
the end of their growth by the early 20’s)
5) There is no correlation between penis size and
shoe size, hand size, or nose size.
6) Blue balls does exist! It’s technically
called “prostatic congestion.”
7) Only 16% of men shave their privates.
+Some stuff on the ladies+
——————————
1) Only 9% of women around the globe consider
themselves “attractive” (20% of British women
do).
43% of women use the term “natural”, 24% say
they have “average” looks, 8% prefer the
term “feminine”, 7% say they are “good looking”,
and 7% say they are “cute”, and finally only 2% of
women say they are “sexy”.
2) An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong
size bra.
3) 60% of women have had breast implants.
4) 75% of women dont like oral sex
5) 95% of women shave their privates.
+Both+
——————————–
1) Masturbation is healthy for both men and
women.
2) 70% of highschoolers have had sex before
they have graduated. 27% loose their virginity senior
prom night. Only 3% wait until marriage.
3) 95% of men would have sex with a girl after 1
month of dating. Only 10% of women feel this way.
+5 Reasons Why Sex is Good+
———————————————
1) It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150
calories every half an hour of it. It will lower your
cholesterol and improve breathing circulation.
2) You won’t get sick. According to research if
you have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to
get sick.
3) You’ll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense
of well-being. Women who have more sex were
clinically proven to be less depressed than women
who dont have sex.
4) Makes you look better - [ problem is, ugly people
don..t get any ]. Sex releases hormones in you which make your skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physique.
5) (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies
prove that sex makes you live longer. Men who
had sex 1-2 times a week had half the death rate
as those who did not indulge themselves at least
once a month. It also makes you look younger. If
you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to
10 years younger than you really are.
Did You Know?
—————————————-
1) Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds up
to running 75 miles!!!!
1) 94% of men lie about their penis size.
According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of
men use extra large condoms.
2) The average man is 5 inches long when erect
(no matter what you have heard ladies, that’s the
truth).
3) 80% of American men are circumsized. Even
though Pediatrics say it is not necessary.
4) No matter what all the ads say, nothing can
make your penis grow but time (most men reach
the end of their growth by the early 20’s)
5) There is no correlation between penis size and
shoe size, hand size, or nose size.
6) Blue balls does exist! It’s technically
called “prostatic congestion.”
7) Only 16% of men shave their privates.
+Some stuff on the ladies+
——————————
1) Only 9% of women around the globe consider
themselves “attractive” (20% of British women
do).
43% of women use the term “natural”, 24% say
they have “average” looks, 8% prefer the
term “feminine”, 7% say they are “good looking”,
and 7% say they are “cute”, and finally only 2% of
women say they are “sexy”.
2) An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong
size bra.
3) 60% of women have had breast implants.
4) 75% of women dont like oral sex
5) 95% of women shave their privates.
+Both+
——————————–
1) Masturbation is healthy for both men and
women.
2) 70% of highschoolers have had sex before
they have graduated. 27% loose their virginity senior
prom night. Only 3% wait until marriage.
3) 95% of men would have sex with a girl after 1
month of dating. Only 10% of women feel this way.
+5 Reasons Why Sex is Good+
———————————————
1) It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150
calories every half an hour of it. It will lower your
cholesterol and improve breathing circulation.
2) You won’t get sick. According to research if
you have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to
get sick.
3) You’ll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense
of well-being. Women who have more sex were
clinically proven to be less depressed than women
who dont have sex.
4) Makes you look better - [ problem is, ugly people
don..t get any ]. Sex releases hormones in you which make your skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physique.
5) (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies
prove that sex makes you live longer. Men who
had sex 1-2 times a week had half the death rate
as those who did not indulge themselves at least
once a month. It also makes you look younger. If
you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to
10 years younger than you really are.
Did You Know?
—————————————-
1) Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds up
to running 75 miles!!!!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Good News!!!
so i told you that the ladies at the modeling & acting agency/school liked me right? well holy shit was that an understatement!!! They fucking loved me lol they kept saying how excellent my hair was and how super cute i was lmao the director lady actually said i was her top pick!!! and i was all like really? me? in the back of my head lol so as of noon today i am officially enrolled in a modeling development program :p and as a special treat for all of you guys for being so supportive the last couple days i will show you the pics the photographer took on Thursday, i really like them :) i was surprised how good they came out
update...
so i guess you could say my week got a bit better... i went to a psychologist as you all know. Well she was a psychologist but she's not my therapist she was just doing the intake assessment. Long story short, she thought it was interesting that i couldn't say for 100% that i didn't take the money, she agrees that there probably is an underlying issue, she believes i've been screwed up sine i was 12 [can't say i don't agree], thinks the reason i can't have lasting relationships or really trust anyone is because i never learned how to because my rents were always at each others throat before they divorced [long story might tell you about it later], me isolating myself all the time is my survival mechanism and oh yea the kicker...... she believes i'm suffering from sever depression and that i fit not just a couple of the "tell signs" of bipolar but all of them. And they said people can't diagnose themselves... ha! well i have an appointment with my actual therapist next friday i believe, so at least i'm moving in the right direction with all of that and actually getting the help i need. :p
This to shall pass..... i've heard that from maybe 5 different people this week with everything going on and i gotta say something about it just resonates within me. Wierd how a few simple words can give you strength or change your perspective or just help keep your head up.
ok ok so you're all probably wondering about that modeling/acting thingamajig i was saying was a possibility the other day right? well i went and i got a second call back :p so that definitely a mood booster there but holy shit is it a funny story LMAO theey made us all walk on a t shaped runway type thing [they call it walking the T] and holy fuck fart was i waaaaaaay out of my comfort zone. I mean i have 0 interest in runway stuff and they were like nope at some point you will have to be up on one of these. So yea i did it and the lady was like pose... and i was all like .... ummm...how? lol it was so funny but i guess they liked me cuz i go back to the place today at 1130 so we'll see what they want to do with me since they said they were going to be making their cuts and calling people before today. oh yea, they love my hair lmao And for those of you worried about whether or not it's a real agency lol the name is "John Casablancas" apparently it's supposed to be some really good school/agency and they do a lot of *gasp* actual modeling lol so i dno maybe this is something i can be good at and get ahead with. Then you'd all see me whenever you wanted lol and be all like holy crap thats wyatt lol :p
lataz peeps
This to shall pass..... i've heard that from maybe 5 different people this week with everything going on and i gotta say something about it just resonates within me. Wierd how a few simple words can give you strength or change your perspective or just help keep your head up.
ok ok so you're all probably wondering about that modeling/acting thingamajig i was saying was a possibility the other day right? well i went and i got a second call back :p so that definitely a mood booster there but holy shit is it a funny story LMAO theey made us all walk on a t shaped runway type thing [they call it walking the T] and holy fuck fart was i waaaaaaay out of my comfort zone. I mean i have 0 interest in runway stuff and they were like nope at some point you will have to be up on one of these. So yea i did it and the lady was like pose... and i was all like .... ummm...how? lol it was so funny but i guess they liked me cuz i go back to the place today at 1130 so we'll see what they want to do with me since they said they were going to be making their cuts and calling people before today. oh yea, they love my hair lmao And for those of you worried about whether or not it's a real agency lol the name is "John Casablancas" apparently it's supposed to be some really good school/agency and they do a lot of *gasp* actual modeling lol so i dno maybe this is something i can be good at and get ahead with. Then you'd all see me whenever you wanted lol and be all like holy crap thats wyatt lol :p
lataz peeps
Thursday, August 13, 2009
a possibility?
so tonight i actually have an appointment at a modeling agency :p so who knows i may have a new profession here lol let you all know how it goes.
a step in the right direction
so i took the plunge and i have an appointment for a psychologist tomorrow and i have a person helping me find a lawyer. It's a step in the right direction so i'm gonna try and stop doing all of the depressing woe is me posts. I'll let you all know how everything goes.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
breaking point?
after everything I've just sunk even lower. I tried reaching out to my mom for help but all she did was attack me and who i was... my dad still wont talk to me and even if i did talk to him he'd prolly just lecture me and say there was nothing he could do. I mean things were starting to get better and then this whole situation just jumped up and kicked me in the balls and I'm on my knees again trying to breathe but I'm lower than I've ever been. I hate to admit it but admittance is the first step of recovery right? well shit if its not then maybe some of you can help with this but I've actually seriously contemplated suicide about 50 times over the last month, and I'm completely against suicide. I don't know who i am anymore or what to do. I would go see a psychologist but i don't have any insurance anymore so now what the fuck do i do? I was actually to the point where i was going to seek out professional help and then my way of accessing it was completely pulled out from under me. Everyone just keeps saying "hang in there it'll get better it has to" but what if i can't wait that long?I'm tired of fighting and being strong, i need a way out...... and i need one fast I'm breaking, inside and out and there's not much of me left, you probably wont understand what I'm saying but it's like i can feel myself slipping away like I'm watching it happen and there's nothing i can do to stop it. I don't have family willing to help and i don't have any friends here that will help, the only two people that i know would help me are thousands of miles away and i haven't spoken with them in months, i'm alone in the dark right now and i'm at my breaking point....
a very very accurate FB quiz lol :p
so i took Facebook's what is your biggest weakness quiz yesterday and this was teh result :
"What's your biggest weakness?" with the result Soul.
You are intelligent and you think about life and philosophy and WHY to everything. A lot. But you are missing passion. You like to do creative things, but they of...ten lack the soul behind it. You can make people laugh and beat your friends in an IQ test, but when it comes to living life to the fullest you are lost, even though you think you aren't. You think you are right, but underneath of it all you are confused. You are only guided by your mind which often leads you astray, but your soul rarely reflects in your life. You like to work hard for things and you think you deserve them, but you sometimes wonder why you are where you are. You need direction for your persistent and determined personality, but you aren't sure where to get it. .
and i was just like holy shit FB is stalking me :p
"What's your biggest weakness?" with the result Soul.
You are intelligent and you think about life and philosophy and WHY to everything. A lot. But you are missing passion. You like to do creative things, but they of...ten lack the soul behind it. You can make people laugh and beat your friends in an IQ test, but when it comes to living life to the fullest you are lost, even though you think you aren't. You think you are right, but underneath of it all you are confused. You are only guided by your mind which often leads you astray, but your soul rarely reflects in your life. You like to work hard for things and you think you deserve them, but you sometimes wonder why you are where you are. You need direction for your persistent and determined personality, but you aren't sure where to get it. .
and i was just like holy shit FB is stalking me :p
Monday, August 10, 2009
I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As if my life could not get any fucking worse. So i lost my job and fucking got arrested for some bullshit i didn't even do. So it starts off with the district LP manager visiting the store and then asking to speak with me in the office. I'm going to give you all the short version because it's been a really shitty day. Any way he ends up accusing me of stealing $1300 from the deposits saying he has it on camera and shit. I continued to say i have never taken a penny from the registers or the deposit ever and he was all like well you need to be straight with me i have it on camera and i don't need you to admit to it but if you tell me why and make an arrangement to repay then we can keep this confidential and it doesn't need to go on your record and we can keep the police out of everything. Like a dumb ass i ended up going with it and saying i did even though i know i didn't but i was thinking about my fucking future like i don't need this shit showing up on me whether it was true or not so i did what he said he wanted me to fucking do and i ended up getting fucking arrested anyway and I'm just like what the fuck!! i spent 2 hours in a fucking room by myself needing to take the biggest piss ever only to talk to some detective for 10 minutes. Now they were also accusing me of taking some merchandise, which i had and i owned up to that. I guess i ended up convincing the detective that something was up. I told him what happened with the LP agent and told him i didn't take the fucking 1300 and he was all like well it doesn't look good for you saying you didn't take this but then you have all this merchandise left and right when you worked for GAP. i think i won him over when i told him that they didn't even know about the merchandise until i told them. Told the detective when i do something wrong i'm fully willing to take responsibility and whatever punishment for it but that 1300 was not me and that i only said it was to try and avoid police involvement because i was scared and shit and that if it was going to the police anyway i wasn't going to take the wrap on something i didn't do and get stuck with a felony embezzlement charge. The detective decided not to book me and said that not everything was adding up and that he didn't get enough papers or something from the LP agent to book me so he let me go for now. But shit man now i have to fucking find another job and i have to waste time and fucking money i don't have to figure out what the fuck is going on and who is trying to set me the fuck up. I mean yeah the detective is investigating now but i think i still need a lawyer from this point on and i don't have the money for that shit, i mean seriously what the fuck. My life is so fucked up right now... how could there be a fucking video of me doing something i didn't fucking do? i was fucking taken through the store in fucking cuffs for money i didn't fucking take i mean seriously what the fuck is going on? all this shit on top of the fucking way i've been feeling is not fucking good and ... well just shit man i don't know what the fuck to do anymore im so fucking lost what the fuck should i do?
haha now a myspace quiz
1. What is your current mood?
exhausted from tax free weekend
2. Is your family multi-racial?
yes, I'm puerto rican, German and Irish lol so that makes me a loud proud drunk :P
3. Is America truly “the land of the free?”
It can be if you work your ass off
4. How much do you care about your appearance?
Usually don't but i'm getting there lol the more i loe wieght the more i care
5. Do you have a favorite period in history that you love to study?
Yup i'm fascinated by Japan's Meiji Era and i guess all mid-evil Era cultures. A sword took a lot more skill and guts than i gun does
6. What are your favorite kinds of jokes?
The one's with an extremely unexpected ironic outcome
7. Do you make to-do lists?
all the time
8. If you’re quiet for an extended period of time, what does it most likely mean?
i'm forming some elaborate plan to fix whatever is bothering me
9. Could you date a smoker?
no
10. What’s your ideal job (not career, just something that pays the bills but is still enjoyable?
What i'm doing now i guess
11. Where is your favorite place to hang out besides your house?
Don't hang out but i guess it would be the pool or the billiards parlor
12. What is a song that truly changed your life?
hmmm 3 doors down-it's not my time and nick jonas- a little bit longer
13. Do you remember the day you got your first MySpace?
yea i did it to friend out if a kid in my school was gay lol, 2 years later he gave me a blow job lmao
14. What is one food you despise?
ummm i love food waay too much to hate it
15. What are your opinions on open/multi-partner relationships?
absolutely ridiculous that just means you want to fuck and don't want the attachment of a relationship
16. Could you care for a terminally ill person?
yes, i did do a stint in nursing school :)
17. Do you drop your cell phone frequently?
all the time at least 5 times a day lol
18. Name a TV show you could watch over and over on DVD.
NCIS, Law&Order SVU, In Plain sight, Full metal alchemist ahh shit let me stop the list will be toooooo long lol
19. What brand and flavor toothpaste do you use?
i dont know lol
20. What are your favorite kinds of books to read?
Manga
exhausted from tax free weekend
2. Is your family multi-racial?
yes, I'm puerto rican, German and Irish lol so that makes me a loud proud drunk :P
3. Is America truly “the land of the free?”
It can be if you work your ass off
4. How much do you care about your appearance?
Usually don't but i'm getting there lol the more i loe wieght the more i care
5. Do you have a favorite period in history that you love to study?
Yup i'm fascinated by Japan's Meiji Era and i guess all mid-evil Era cultures. A sword took a lot more skill and guts than i gun does
6. What are your favorite kinds of jokes?
The one's with an extremely unexpected ironic outcome
7. Do you make to-do lists?
all the time
8. If you’re quiet for an extended period of time, what does it most likely mean?
i'm forming some elaborate plan to fix whatever is bothering me
9. Could you date a smoker?
no
10. What’s your ideal job (not career, just something that pays the bills but is still enjoyable?
What i'm doing now i guess
11. Where is your favorite place to hang out besides your house?
Don't hang out but i guess it would be the pool or the billiards parlor
12. What is a song that truly changed your life?
hmmm 3 doors down-it's not my time and nick jonas- a little bit longer
13. Do you remember the day you got your first MySpace?
yea i did it to friend out if a kid in my school was gay lol, 2 years later he gave me a blow job lmao
14. What is one food you despise?
ummm i love food waay too much to hate it
15. What are your opinions on open/multi-partner relationships?
absolutely ridiculous that just means you want to fuck and don't want the attachment of a relationship
16. Could you care for a terminally ill person?
yes, i did do a stint in nursing school :)
17. Do you drop your cell phone frequently?
all the time at least 5 times a day lol
18. Name a TV show you could watch over and over on DVD.
NCIS, Law&Order SVU, In Plain sight, Full metal alchemist ahh shit let me stop the list will be toooooo long lol
19. What brand and flavor toothpaste do you use?
i dont know lol
20. What are your favorite kinds of books to read?
Manga
Sunday, August 9, 2009
the biggest pimp ever !!!!
holy shit lol has anyone else ever realized that Disney is the biggest pimp ever!!!! lol think about it. How many hot and/or famous people have come out of Disney? Too many to count lol i mean really think about it justin timberlake, Britney spears, Christina aguilera, the Jonas brothers, demi lovato, zac efron, Vanessa hudgens, Ashley tisdale, the sprouse brothers, Jason dolley, Jake T Austin, Raven Simone, i cant think of any more famous Disney people. but i can definitively say that Disney has definitely ramped up its hotness lol Jason Dolley, sterling knight, Jake T Austin the sprouse brothers, Selena Gomez, Vanessa hudgens definitely gorgeous people lol anyway i'm tired and i think you guys are tired of my rambling :p
Thursday, August 6, 2009
it's rising !
well my mood is starting to improve, not much bet it's getting better i guess. I figured out a long time ago when i start downing burying myself in work can help to bring me back up. Last night i closed the store and then came back home only to be doing paperwork and training schedules until 3am. I think it's that sense of accomplishment that helps to bring me back up, just knowing i was able to effectively complete something helps my spirits rise quite a bit.
A few of you guys were asking about the boy i hooked up with. Well we were supposed to go out a couple nights ago but he canceled on me. Aside from that he doesn't respond to any texts or calls or what have you so i'm assuming it was a 1 time thing a moving on. :/ oh wellz shit happens ya? well i say it does lol
Spent the day with Sami to try and see if i can get any feeling for her but it was like nothing. I feel bad being with her and not feeling anything. She spent the night the other day an i didnt even wanna sex her lol what's worse is that i can't tell if i don't like her because i don't like girls or if i dont like her jus cuz i dont like her and shes moving to Florida next week for a 5 month internship so i think i need to decide fast if i want to stay with her because i refuse to be the dick that breaks up with someone via text message or phone call. But yea we went and ate dinner at Applebees and then went and saw "Funny People" which i have to say was a good movie just not as much of a comedy as i thought it would be.
It's official, i am a workaholic.... today was my day off and i went in to work for an hour to make last minute preparations for this weekends upcoming "tax free" sales for oklahoma. Further proof of my being a workaholic, i have had overtime for the last 5 weeks working about 8-20 hours over my schedule consistently.
Good news though, I've decided that i will actually go and try so seek professional help for my issues lol I don't want to continue in the cycle that i keep going in and since it's becoming more frequent than it used to be i can't help but feel that there is a deeper issue at work for my behavior and thoughts and i need to get that resolved before i can ever hope to be the me that i want to be.
Take care guys and oh yea, email me your link so i can do the side bare again lol i finally bought a mouse
A few of you guys were asking about the boy i hooked up with. Well we were supposed to go out a couple nights ago but he canceled on me. Aside from that he doesn't respond to any texts or calls or what have you so i'm assuming it was a 1 time thing a moving on. :/ oh wellz shit happens ya? well i say it does lol
Spent the day with Sami to try and see if i can get any feeling for her but it was like nothing. I feel bad being with her and not feeling anything. She spent the night the other day an i didnt even wanna sex her lol what's worse is that i can't tell if i don't like her because i don't like girls or if i dont like her jus cuz i dont like her and shes moving to Florida next week for a 5 month internship so i think i need to decide fast if i want to stay with her because i refuse to be the dick that breaks up with someone via text message or phone call. But yea we went and ate dinner at Applebees and then went and saw "Funny People" which i have to say was a good movie just not as much of a comedy as i thought it would be.
It's official, i am a workaholic.... today was my day off and i went in to work for an hour to make last minute preparations for this weekends upcoming "tax free" sales for oklahoma. Further proof of my being a workaholic, i have had overtime for the last 5 weeks working about 8-20 hours over my schedule consistently.
Good news though, I've decided that i will actually go and try so seek professional help for my issues lol I don't want to continue in the cycle that i keep going in and since it's becoming more frequent than it used to be i can't help but feel that there is a deeper issue at work for my behavior and thoughts and i need to get that resolved before i can ever hope to be the me that i want to be.
Take care guys and oh yea, email me your link so i can do the side bare again lol i finally bought a mouse
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
What is your love-language facebook quiz result
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared. Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener. An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate. Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future. Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage..
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
so far in 2009, facebook quiz thingy :P
Have you had a girlfriend or boyfriend?
Yes
Have you had your birthday?
no
Been to church?
No
Cried yet?
a few times and thats not a normal thing for me
Pulled an all nighter?
Yea
Drank starbucks?
Yupp
Gone shopping?
Many times, sux when you have to define shopping as going to Walmart to buy groceries. It's no fun anymore
Gone to the movies?
Yes
Bought something for over 100 dollars?
nope :( but i wish i could
Met someone new?
A few
Been out of your home state?
yes lol i've been out of my home state since i was 8
Gone snowboarding/sking?
Nope, i wish
Kissed someone?
Oh yes =)
Slept in a friend's bed?
Nope, no friends
Snuck someone over?
Not yet
Snuck out of your own house?
Dont need to
Been in a bar?
yes
Done something you regret?
yes, i pushed away some of the best friends i've had [so wat if they're OL] by doing stupid things
Last time you took a bubble bath?
Last year... Haven't had the time to enjoy one lately
When was the last time you felt stupid?
Thi morning when i rushed to the store to go to a manager's meeting and was told it got canceled
Who was the last person who saw you cry?
Nobody has ever seen me cry since i was like 8
Who was the last person who made you cry?
Kay
Who was the last person you watched a movie with?
My soon to be ex-girlfriend Sami, because i think i'n only with her out of convienience not because i actually want to be with her and i think that's wrong
Who did u last yell at?
My assistant store manager, because she said i wasnt listening when i was. I just didn't give her the answer she wanted to hear.
Who last told you they loved you?
i don't remember it's been a while
Yes
Have you had your birthday?
no
Been to church?
No
Cried yet?
a few times and thats not a normal thing for me
Pulled an all nighter?
Yea
Drank starbucks?
Yupp
Gone shopping?
Many times, sux when you have to define shopping as going to Walmart to buy groceries. It's no fun anymore
Gone to the movies?
Yes
Bought something for over 100 dollars?
nope :( but i wish i could
Met someone new?
A few
Been out of your home state?
yes lol i've been out of my home state since i was 8
Gone snowboarding/sking?
Nope, i wish
Kissed someone?
Oh yes =)
Slept in a friend's bed?
Nope, no friends
Snuck someone over?
Not yet
Snuck out of your own house?
Dont need to
Been in a bar?
yes
Done something you regret?
yes, i pushed away some of the best friends i've had [so wat if they're OL] by doing stupid things
Last time you took a bubble bath?
Last year... Haven't had the time to enjoy one lately
When was the last time you felt stupid?
Thi morning when i rushed to the store to go to a manager's meeting and was told it got canceled
Who was the last person who saw you cry?
Nobody has ever seen me cry since i was like 8
Who was the last person who made you cry?
Kay
Who was the last person you watched a movie with?
My soon to be ex-girlfriend Sami, because i think i'n only with her out of convienience not because i actually want to be with her and i think that's wrong
Who did u last yell at?
My assistant store manager, because she said i wasnt listening when i was. I just didn't give her the answer she wanted to hear.
Who last told you they loved you?
i don't remember it's been a while
okie dokie here's my promise to Mboy
so this is my bedroom, kinda empty and a bit lacking but shit my bed is big and comfortable :p
mmk heres my kitchen
and here's my dining room / office / blog station lol 
my living room without a couch
my boucany :p its where i get my tan on
ok so here's my view from the boucanyyea i know i mis-spelled boucany but its whatever deal with it :p
Kellisou Request
ok this 1s my favorite t-shirt :P
and this one is my "family crest" pretty cool eh?
so that's for kellisou's request to post pictures of something that's unique to our own little worlds :P so there ya go guys! lets see if we can keep it going!
Back Again!!!
ok so last blog was nuked and spent a few days wondering whether or not i should start a new 1. the answer as you can see is yes, i did. Although i no longer have any of the followers that gave me the good advice that i feel i need right now.
I'm slipping into a very dark place right now and it's driving me insane. I honestly think that i may be bipolar or manic depressive but i don't get depressed to often and frankly i'm not even sure if what i'm feeling is depression, i just know that it's very dark and not like me. I'm feeling very lonely and angry and confused and lost and empty right now and i don't know why. I've got this nagging feeling that i'm worhtless and that i shouldn't be trying anymore and to just give up. But i still have the little voice in my head saying "don't you fucking dare" What i'm feeling is very difficult to explain and i don't know if what im trying to explain is even understandable. It's like i have 2 different personalities in my mind fighting for control right now. 1 being the normal grab the bull by the horns and take charge of life, fuck the world, i'm me, better to ask for forgiveness than permission me that i normally am. 2 being a submissive i don't care, i'm tired, just give up, everything is my fault, self pitying, wallowing in guilt person that i dont even know. The thing is i don't want to do anything stupid..... i've felt like this a few times before and have made stupid decisions following those times, most notably almost everythime i begin to feel like this i leave my job and i like my job and want to keep it, other times i have hurt those around me and pushed away people like Kay that were amazing friends. The first time i felt this way was when i was 12 and i walked into the kitchen pulled otu a butcher's knife and sliced my arm in front of my brither ad my cousin, needed 12 stitches in my arm and i still have the scar as a reminder of course i lie about what it really is though. I'm in a place where i feel angry and violent but weak and vulnerable but more than all of that it's covered witha sense of numbness. Where even if i tried to do something to corerect it i won't feel enough to fix what ever the problem really is. When i cut my arm when i was 12 i felt 0 pain. No pain when i cut my arm or when i bandaged it up myself or when they stook needles in it to numb it for the stitches or when i would hit it after the pain meds wore off to feel or rather see if i could feel. I didn't even take the pain medication they gave me for it. I'm in a dark place right now and i don't like it and i don't know how to correct it. It always just works itself out in a few days or weeks or so but i hate this feeling, i hate feeling helpless and worthless but at the same time having the strength to say it will be over soon just ride it out. I hate being strong when i want to be able to be weak. I hate shouldering so much because i can when others can't. I hate always helping others when i can't help myself. I hate how i always have the right thing to say to everyone but me. I hate how i always push people away when i need them teh most. I hate that i throw away the realtionships that i want the most. I hate who i am..... or rather who i am able to be. I hate that i've become this pillar of strength for everyone that knows me, someone they can always rely on to do 150% when others can only do 50%, someone that will take on 1 million to one odds and win, someone that never shows signs of weakness, i hate that i represent hope and what someone can do to the people i grew up around. I hate being looked up to when i want to just stop and roll over. I've created this strong person out of neccessity for survival and that's what everyone looks to and expects, but i just want to be able to cry and to be able to give up and to be able to stop pushing forward and to just be average. I'm tired of being special and strong and dependable. I'm so fucking lost right now......
anyway i'm back and prolly gonna stay for a while. I'll explain all that happened later on.
I'm slipping into a very dark place right now and it's driving me insane. I honestly think that i may be bipolar or manic depressive but i don't get depressed to often and frankly i'm not even sure if what i'm feeling is depression, i just know that it's very dark and not like me. I'm feeling very lonely and angry and confused and lost and empty right now and i don't know why. I've got this nagging feeling that i'm worhtless and that i shouldn't be trying anymore and to just give up. But i still have the little voice in my head saying "don't you fucking dare" What i'm feeling is very difficult to explain and i don't know if what im trying to explain is even understandable. It's like i have 2 different personalities in my mind fighting for control right now. 1 being the normal grab the bull by the horns and take charge of life, fuck the world, i'm me, better to ask for forgiveness than permission me that i normally am. 2 being a submissive i don't care, i'm tired, just give up, everything is my fault, self pitying, wallowing in guilt person that i dont even know. The thing is i don't want to do anything stupid..... i've felt like this a few times before and have made stupid decisions following those times, most notably almost everythime i begin to feel like this i leave my job and i like my job and want to keep it, other times i have hurt those around me and pushed away people like Kay that were amazing friends. The first time i felt this way was when i was 12 and i walked into the kitchen pulled otu a butcher's knife and sliced my arm in front of my brither ad my cousin, needed 12 stitches in my arm and i still have the scar as a reminder of course i lie about what it really is though. I'm in a place where i feel angry and violent but weak and vulnerable but more than all of that it's covered witha sense of numbness. Where even if i tried to do something to corerect it i won't feel enough to fix what ever the problem really is. When i cut my arm when i was 12 i felt 0 pain. No pain when i cut my arm or when i bandaged it up myself or when they stook needles in it to numb it for the stitches or when i would hit it after the pain meds wore off to feel or rather see if i could feel. I didn't even take the pain medication they gave me for it. I'm in a dark place right now and i don't like it and i don't know how to correct it. It always just works itself out in a few days or weeks or so but i hate this feeling, i hate feeling helpless and worthless but at the same time having the strength to say it will be over soon just ride it out. I hate being strong when i want to be able to be weak. I hate shouldering so much because i can when others can't. I hate always helping others when i can't help myself. I hate how i always have the right thing to say to everyone but me. I hate how i always push people away when i need them teh most. I hate that i throw away the realtionships that i want the most. I hate who i am..... or rather who i am able to be. I hate that i've become this pillar of strength for everyone that knows me, someone they can always rely on to do 150% when others can only do 50%, someone that will take on 1 million to one odds and win, someone that never shows signs of weakness, i hate that i represent hope and what someone can do to the people i grew up around. I hate being looked up to when i want to just stop and roll over. I've created this strong person out of neccessity for survival and that's what everyone looks to and expects, but i just want to be able to cry and to be able to give up and to be able to stop pushing forward and to just be average. I'm tired of being special and strong and dependable. I'm so fucking lost right now......
anyway i'm back and prolly gonna stay for a while. I'll explain all that happened later on.
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